How it started

How my Photography Journey began; After being medically discharge from the United States Coast Guard after 16 years of service. I decided I wanted to seek a degree in art; I wrote the below during my first semester at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco.

Artist Journal

05 July 2021

Finding Me

He was some sort of Navy Priest, standing over me in my hospital bed in Alaska. I don’t know what denomination he was, I’ve never been religious, I just remember not knowing at that point if I was coming home and him asking if he could pray for me. It was about a week earlier, I was on a ship in the middle of the Bering Sea when it happened, it happened quick, I remember sitting in the back of the helicopter, some of the most beautiful water below, there were Icebergs, whales, a lot of birds; the sort of stuff you would see in a National Geographic magazine. I only have those images in my head, to this day I regret not having a camera on me. I’d like to say that this was the time I told myself if I lived, I would quit my job and pursue my passions. It was not, at that point I had just passed 14 years in the military, I had two young children and a wife, a twenty year retirement was the goal.

I returned home not knowing my future, I was given several weeks off to recover. It was nice to spend time with my family and be around to capture my second child growing up during her first year of life. I was able to photograph more of her first moments than my sons. I had purchased an inexpensive Sony camera after my son was first born, when I was home I would set up these elaborate photoshoots. One of these photoshoots I created a scene from the movie Finding Nemo. I made fake coral from foam pool noodles and used cheap blue plastic tablecloths as water. My son was wearing an orange and black clown fish costume with one fin smaller than the other. For my daughter it was different, I didn’t do very many elaborate photoshoots, it was nice to just be home. I think because I was not home a lot during my son's first two years of life, these fun photoshoots helped me make the times I was home more memorable.

When I went back to work I was still pretty weak. I had just been diagnosed with heart failure and I was sent to a program called cardiac rehabilitation, which is mostly for 60+ year olds who have had heart attacks. Me at 32 did not fit that description. It was there that I really started to realize just how unhappy I had become. I spent 3 days a week with people of all walks of life, several very successful people, these people were much older than me, I started asking them about their lives, what they did, what they wish they did different, and the answer always came down to three things, spending more time with family, eating better and pursuing their passion. This made me think a lot, was I really where I wanted to be, is having stability really that important.

Over the next year I did not take many photos, I was struggling trying to fit back into the military physically and mentally, ignoring the reality of the trauma and my heart condition and pretending everything was ok. I took up running and even attempted to train for a triathlon, all of which I failed at. I imagined that I would stop pretending that everything was ok, but then I could see friends, family and coworkers look at me and say “Mike, what do you mean you can’t?, you look healthy and just fine”. It was not until I ended up back in a hospital, that I then realized the life I knew and that chapter was finishing. I ended up purchasing my first full frame camera a few months later

I remember the first day my new camera arrived in the mail, the UPS box it was shipped in was dirty, wet and torn up, probably from either a careless UPS driver or the heavy February rain we had that year. Regardless, the camera was perfect, this was the first “Professional” interchangeable lens camera I ever had used. Not knowing anything, I expected the camera to just take “Professional” photos. I was way off, the camera came with what is known as a Kit lens. Usually one of the company's cheapest lenses and not that suitable for indoors unless you have a flash. Not thinking of this I instantly pulled the camera out of the box and started taking pictures of my kids playing, my son with his Thomas the train and daughter newly crawling around. That evening when I uploaded all the photos to my computer, I was shocked, lots of missed focus, very dark and just plain bad, looked worse than if I shot them on my Iphone. For the next several months of owning my camera, I scoured the internet looking for tips and tricks. I read my camera's manual probably a dozen times. I was finally taking decent photos but I just felt as if I was lacking the proper skills to capture photos in the way I wanted to. Now that my military career was over, I had a choice, I could either use my known skillset to work in the civilian sector or I could for the first time follow my passion.

I really never considered photography as something I would ever consider to go to college for. I had always enjoyed photography, it seems like these days everyone is a photographer but nobody actually knows anything about photography. I don’t want to be just another person with a camera. I have always found comfort in looking back at photos, especially when I feel like my life is dragging and I have not accomplished anything. Photos always bring me back to reality and put my life into perspective. Learning the skills to be able to capture the moments I want and in the way I want is something that has always been important to me.

As I sit at my desk writing this essay in the first semester of college, I find myself reflecting on all the events that took place to lead me to this moment. Dealing with my heart failure, the support of my wife and learning that I don’t need to be the person to take care of everything. Discovering all the joy photography brings to me and wanting others to enjoy it the way I do. I am now pursuing my passion at Academy of Art University, studying as a BFA in Photography student. I look forward to this journey and the challenges I will face during my time in school.